Spring Fling Booze Crackdown
The WSA Soc. Committee + the Man Dean's Office send on this depressingly diligent information:
This wednesday, alcohol is going to be policed. People with wristbands will not be hassled unless they try to climb onstage, at which point the music may stop, for good. Wristbands will be given out for free to those with "valid ID's" at a checkpoint near the observatory. Kegs will not be allowed, nor will coolers with more beer/alcohol than could "reasonably be consumed*" by the owners. There will be an area for grills near the top of the hill, and grilling outside of there will result in bad things. No couches, only lawn chairs. Students planning on burying kegs the night before are advised that public safety has recently purchased a $10,000 metal detector for the purposes of locating these subterranean contraband items and "smoking them out of their boozeholes." Resistance groups are urged to purchase only kegs made out of ceramic or "stealth" materials, and to be extra cautious about minimizing their visual signature with astroturf camouflage. Doing anything bad/against the CONAC will result in SJBing. I'd also advise people that PSafe has been upping the ante on the "token" busting of reefer fiends in public areas, so bringing your 5 foot hand-blown glass "water pipe" stuffed with NYC Sour Diesel might not be the way to go for spring fling.
DISCRETION IS THE BETTER PART OF VALOR. Party on.
*I have no idea what they mean by this, but I think by all means it should result in some hilarious arguments. -Ed.
P.S. This photo is of Shane MacGowan. Who is totally awesome.
8 comments:
they up our tuition every year to pay for metal detectors? no wonder we're broke
I'm...
I hope you're as serious as I am about this.
which is to say: totally not
shit man i believed you. if this is largely a joke, i think maybe you should make it clear that it is. sorry that would ruin the fun.
...uh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But how could you possibly take this seriously?:
Students planning on burying kegs the night before are advised that public safety has recently purchased a $10,000 metal detector for the purposes of locating these subterranean contraband items and "smoking them out of their boozeholes." Resistance groups are urged to purchase only kegs made out of ceramic or "stealth" materials, and to be extra cautious about minimizing their visual signature with astroturf camouflage.
I dunno, I mean.. it's cool if you did take it seriously at first. it would be a much more interesting world if these things were plausible, but.. yeah. now you know
It wouldn't be the first time the WSA has tried to sound hip/speak "our language". Does nobody remember the pimp-cup email?
no i don't remember the pimp-cup email. enlighten us.
Weslyan is for rich spoiled fags anyways...All Weslyan kids need to get the fuck out of Middletown.
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